The Madison Miracle.
9:37 PM
me:
Have I ever told you my recurring fantasy about the "Madison
Miracle?" You'll love this!
Jenn: No, you haven't. Spill!
9:38 PM me:
I have this recurring fantasy about some 21-year-old arts major up at
the University of Wisconsin - Madison, who develops this weird, deep
crush on me, and who decides that she's going to come down to Chicago
on the Amtrack specifically to have sex with me.
9:39 PM Jenn: Aww...
You're cute.
-snerk-
I'm sorry.
I'm an asshole.
9:40 PM Seriously. sorry.
me:
Because she's been reading my blog, see, and she knows how desperately
I need to have sex, but how weird I feel about hiring a prostitute. And
it's of course this wonderful weird thing for her too, because she's
never had sex with someone as old and experienced as me, so I end up
giving her this night of mind-blowing ecstasy in the bedroom, a night
no 21-year-old boy could ever hope to give her.
Jenn: Aw... I'm such an asshole for laughing as hard as I am. I'm so sorry.
9:41 PM me:
And meanwhile, she just happens to be that hot aloof 21-year-old arts
major who no one on her actual campus can actually manage to have sex
with themselves. So in the eyes of all the loser 21-year-old boys at
UDub, I'm a fucking hero!
No, laugh, please laugh! I'm laughing too! The Madison Miracle!
9:42 PM Jenn: UDub -falls over laughing-
That's a brilliant name for it. The Madison Miracle.
9:43 PM me:
And I'm just imagining the overwritten artistic email from this
21-year-old, announcing that she's coming down that weekend on the
Amtrack specifically to have sex with me. Because undoubtedly it would
somehow reference Jackson Pollack, Virginia Woolf, and about four or
five of my past reviews at CCLaP.
Jenn: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
9:44 PM me: And that's the thing -- that despite all the pretension and awkwardness, it would ultimately be incredibly hot, intimate sex. And without having to hire a single prostitute. Man. The Madison Miracle. Sigh.
