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    <title>I Am A Camera</title>
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    <updated>2008-04-23T04:13:24Z</updated>

    <author>
        <name>jasonpettus</name>
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    <id>tag:vox.com,2006:6p00c22522c316604a/2008/04/</id>

    <subtitle>A confessional journal. With cellphone photos.</subtitle>


    
    <entry>
        <title>The Madison Miracle.</title>
    
    
    
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        <published>2008-04-23T04:12:37Z</published>
        <updated>2008-04-23T04:13:24Z</updated>
    
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            <div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:37 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">:
Have I ever told you my recurring fantasy about the &quot;Madison
Miracle?&quot; You&#39;ll love this!</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Jenn</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: No, you haven&#39;t. Spill!</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:38 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">:
I have this recurring fantasy about some 21-year-old arts major up at
the University of Wisconsin - Madison, who develops this weird, deep
crush on me, and who decides that she&#39;s going to come down to Chicago
on the Amtrack specifically to have sex with me.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:39 PM </span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Jenn</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: Aww...</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">You&#39;re cute.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">-snerk-</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">I&#39;m sorry.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">I&#39;m an asshole.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:40 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Seriously. sorry.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">:
Because she&#39;s been reading my blog, see, and she knows how desperately
I need to have sex, but how weird I feel about hiring a prostitute. And
it&#39;s of course this wonderful weird thing for her too, because she&#39;s
never had sex with someone as old and experienced as me, so I end up
giving her this night of mind-blowing ecstasy in the bedroom, a night
no 21-year-old boy could ever hope to give her.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Jenn</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: Aw... I&#39;m such an asshole for laughing as hard as I am. I&#39;m so sorry. </span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:41 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">:
And meanwhile, she just happens to be that hot aloof 21-year-old arts
major who no one on her actual campus can actually manage to have sex
with themselves. So in the eyes of all the loser 21-year-old boys at
UDub, I&#39;m a fucking hero!</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">No, laugh, please laugh! I&#39;m laughing too! The Madison Miracle!</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:42 PM </span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Jenn</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: UDub -falls over laughing-</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em;"><span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">That&#39;s a brilliant name for it. The Madison Miracle.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:43 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">:
And I&#39;m just imagining the overwritten artistic email from this
21-year-old, announcing that she&#39;s coming down that weekend on the
Amtrack specifically to have sex with me. Because undoubtedly it would
somehow reference Jackson Pollack, Virginia Woolf, and about four or
five of my past reviews at CCLaP.</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">Jenn</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha</span></span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 1.25em;"><span style="display: block; float: left; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">9:44 PM&#160;</span></span><span style="display: block; padding-left: 6em; text-indent: -1em;"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: 0.80em">me</span></span><span style="font-size: 0.80em">: And that&#39;s the thing -- that despite all the pretension and awkwardness, it would ultimately be incredibly hot, intimate sex. And without having to hire a single prostitute. Man. The Madison Miracle. Sigh.</span></span></span></span></div> 
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>Oh yeah, and...</title>
    
    
    
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        <published>2008-04-15T04:16:28Z</published>
        <updated>2008-04-15T03:20:02Z</updated>
    
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            <p>Oh yeah, and I&#39;ve also officially begun having sexual fantasies again about one-night-stands with mysterious hipsters drinking alone on a Monday night. Of -course- I have.
    
    
    
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    <entry>
        <title>A train, a ballpark, history, bitching, and me.</title>
    
    
    
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        <published>2008-04-15T03:54:56Z</published>
        <updated>2008-04-15T03:11:03Z</updated>
    
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            <p>Was in kind of a weird mood tonight, so decided to walk through Lakeview tonight and run an errand at Belmont and Clark, one that could&#39;ve otherwise waited until the next day. I walked down Sheffield almost the entire way, keeping me not only parallel to a century-old working train track for a mile and back, but also walking next to a century-old ballpark part of the time, a whole series of century-old buildings now being used for a variety of purposes, Irish pubs next to Asian restaurants next to French cafes next to Swedish furniture stores, hipsters and sports freaks and creative-class assholes biking in 40-degree weather, all of it overseen by a series of blinking blue police cameras at every stoplight. And all of this, mind you, while having an iPod strapped to my skull, listening to an hour-long drum-n-bass mix put together by a couple of teens in their dorm room in Manchester, England, and while nice and high on top of everything else.</p><p>Once again it occurs to me to say, &quot;If I can walk out my door whenever I&#39;m in a weird mood and be in the middle of all that within five minutes of walking, why the fuck am I constantly whining and complaining about my life? I should treasure the fact that I live in such a place ad have the kind of life that I can do that any evening I&#39;m in a weird mood, given how many people out there desperately wish they could be in that situation. Your life ain&#39;t so fuckin&#39; terrible, Jason, when all is said and done, and you should really do more acknowledging of that and less bellyaching.&quot;</p><p>End of line.
    
    
    
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