1 post tagged “fan”

I swear to God, people, I'm not making this up, I swear to God...

I had a dream last night that my little watchbot at Technorati noticed a new blog entry that had recently referenced me, with a specific title of "I would take it up the ass for Jason Pettus." So of course I click over to see what it is, and it's like literally my little nerd version of a Penthouse letter; some blog entry from some sassy 22-year-old undergraduate girl in some obscure semi-hipster collegetown in Ohio or whatever, intensely intelligent and self-aware, who has developed a crush on me through my online writing but is self-aware enough to realize that it's a crush based on her idealized version of me as she defines it, which makes it both a legitimate admitting-your-crush blog entry and also an ironic comment on the futility of having online crushes in the first place. And how in reality it's actually this very creative personal essay about herself, using me just as a pop-culture item to explain her real point, how she just realized recently that she has at least another year of school, and is feeling bored and restless and like an old woman at 22, and hates that she's in a place that makes her feel like an old woman at 22, and how it's really all these specific things going on in her own specific life that's making her react to my online writing in the particular intense way she is.

And she goes on in this blog entry to explain how this crush is sometimes so intense, she sometimes idly fantasizes about going to Chicago sometime, either for a legitimate reason or maybe just because it's just a $40 train ride from her collegetown or whatever, as an elaborate excuse basically to formally "offer herself" to me for sexual pleasure, since of course she obsessively reads my journals and knows the weird place I'm at these days with the whole subject, how I haven't had sex in a long time but have no friends around these days I can have casual sex with, and am in no position right now to be traditionally dating. This 22-year-old sassy erudite female blogger in my dream, then, has this ongoing fantasy these days about going to Chicago and basically offering herself to me, because she's in a position to do so and knows that it's something I would be really grateful for, and in her fantasy it's of course just the hottest sex she's ever had, because it's been so long since I've had sex and I just end up going really crazy. And how in her fantasy of this idealized Jason, the one who just happens to be all the exact things that she loves the most about men, who is giving her the most intense sexual experience she's ever had, she's of course so turned on that she would easily take it up the ass for me in that situation, which is in a very funny and roundabout way how the title of that entry came about.

And of course this blogger in my dream has a Flickr account (of course), so of course I go check it out, and of course she's just this idealized version of a sexy little 22-year-old Nerdy McNerd, the kind of woman I used to actually have sex with all the time when I was 22 myself; you know, some pale little "Buffy" fan who always wears an elaborate goth outfit to Halloween each year, because she understands how hot she legitimately looks in an elaborate goth outfit, but who also understands that to wear such outfits all year would dilute the effect, which is why she only does it on Halloween. Oh, you know!

And then I woke up!

Goddamnit!!!

Man, I'm telling you.

P.S. I think I figured out where this dream came from, too, by the way; because yesterday I watched Woody Allen's 2005 British crime noir Match Point for the first time. And one of the most striking things about that surprisingly great movie, as those who have seen it can tell you, is the character played by Scarlett Johannson, one of the juiciest roles that this amazing young actress has been yet given, and one that she just completely nails -- of a beautiful young actress who understands that most of her fame is coming from being so physically sexy, that almost all the men around her at any given moment have sexual fantasies about her on a regular basis. Her character is so intelligent and has been living with this for so long, she simply accepts the reality of it; she understands that it's what got her out of her Colorado white-trash background, but also understands that it's a double-edged sword. It's really remarkable, the preternaturally jaded and bitter way Johannson manages to pull off awareness of being the object of random people's random fantasies, and understanding that she has very little to do with what their fantasies consist of; the whole subject got really stuck in my head because of it being handled so well and with such nuance in Match Point, and is undoubtedly what inspired the dream I had. Ooh man, quite an erotic dream nonetheless, even if one I'm so ashamed of. Seriously, I'm ashamed of myself.